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Our first Lost Prom trip to the North East has started inauspiciously. We set off late, Nhung has a streaming cold and we get pulled over by the fuzz at Redcar, just past a Drive-Thru sex shop, because Lindsey’s car has a brake light missing. One cop is overly jocular, the other is grim and unsmiling, just like the films. But they let us go with a warning and eventually we reach Lindsey’s mum’s house in suburban Cleethorpes at 1am, where we stagger off to bed and sleep the sleep of the very, very sleepy.

Sexy superstore

Sexy superstore

We’re looking forward to exploring Cleethorpes, Grimsby and Skegness and also hearing some of Lindsey’s mum’s legendary anecdotes (the Ginger Minge, the Widow and the Dildo, the Wet Fart, the Mobility Scooter etc etc). But, we’re here for 3 days, so we decide to start off in a different county and head to Yorkshire to visit Bridlington.

Sadly it’s raining, but that doesn’t stop Nhung and Tamsin from getting over-excited by all the interesting industrial installations we pass – oil refineries, cooling towers. Lindsey is used to them, having grown up round here, but to N and T, they’re exotic beauties – smoke-wreathed, glittering mirages in the distance, majestic in their humming, echoing ginormousness.

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It’s still piddling down by the time we reach Bridlington, so we head straight to an eatery, The Manor Café, where we scoff egg and chips, and jacket potato, and pie and mash and Lem Sip off red faux-leather tablecloths. As we drove into town, a man winked at Lindsey (Again! Lindsey is the Lost Prom Femme Fatale!). If he lived in Brighton his haircut would have marked him out as a hipster, but something told us that this particular gentleman hadn’t changed his hairstyle since the winter of 1982 when he got a Hall and Oates album (on cassette) for Christmas.

The Store

The Store

We have a look at some charity shops. In the first one, we overhear the assistant say, “I can’t wait until I get my two-headed dog”, which he then follows with, “Life will change when I have Beastmaster”. He is wearing a Santa hat and we have no idea what he’s talking about. But perhaps life is more exciting in Bridlington than we thought. Conversely, perhaps life is much less exciting? What can it all mean?

Bowling

Bowling

In the next charity shop, it’s the Lost Prom who provide the excitement. Nhung is thinking of buying a Halloween mask and asks Lindsey to model a rubber hag number. A German woman stops in her tracks; “Oh my God, you’re so scary! Look at this pretty girl! Look at how scary she is!”. She then proceeds to gather everyone she can see from around the shop, all the time babbling, “Look at this pretty girl in this mask! Put it on again! Put it on again!”

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I’m sorry Bridlington. This blog can’t really do you justice. It was raining so hard that we ran from shop to shop and were barely able to get much idea of the town’s feel. There are lots of shops with ‘Fashion’ in their name, but no discernible fashion to be seen in their windows. There’s a sandwich shop called Top Bun and snack van called Bap Wagon. One of the charity shop assistants has tattoos and is called Ronnie. Why this has been recorded in Tamsin’s notes has been lost in the mists of antiquity. Complexions are as grey as the sky. The world seems to be formed of puddles and disappointment and the puddles aren’t oily enough to have rainbows in them. Which is disappointing.

Jungle Rider

Jungle Rider

We walk along the pleasant seafront towards the twisty-turny harbour and photograph the fairground rides that are wrapped up in blue plastic for the winter like Christo installations or Laura Palmer’s face. Past the Utopia Loungebar and Nightclub we go and Lindsey remembers there used to be a boat with a big shark on it here, but it’s gone now. The rain hasn’t let up at all, so we give up and drive back to Cleethorpes. Another motorist gives way for Lindsey to get through and she accidentally gives him the finger instead of the ‘thank you’ sign. We drive home through Hornsea which is notable only for its boarded up amusement arcades and the ‘Promenade Retirement Home’. Maybe that’s where we’ll end up?

Mini Miami

Mini Miami

Lost

Brake light

Shark boat

Shrink wrapping from Nhung’s scarf

Volcano making kit – Nhung was tempted but decided against it

True essence of Bridlington

twister

twister

Found

Beach Boys LP and 2 7” singles

2 sets of coasters : 1 set of 80s Habitat ones – red, blue & white geometric, the other set has 7 pictures of stately homes and 1 picture of a brutalist concrete local government office

Rubber witch mask

2 royal wedding mugs for Lindsey’s flatmates – 1 Charles & Di, 1 Andrew & Fergie

1970s bathroom scales covered in brown shagpile

Gazza The Game! (with free Gazza poster)

£18 of pharmaceuticals to ward off Nhung’s cold

Set of Christmas cards

Be Safe Be Seen cycling armbands

INXS tape (Nhung has a sudden compulsion to listen to them. We listen to it once and swear, never again)

Our future resting place?

Dropzone

Dropzone

 

Mini Wheel

Mini Wheel

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